It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i came on her dog
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
