Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
