The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
the condom got lost in my hair
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
