I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
