Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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