I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She's the barista slut.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
