i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
