I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
