She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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