got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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