Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
