Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I wish there were birth control emojis
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
