I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
A+ Viking dick
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
