pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i came on her dog
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
