hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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