The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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