tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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