woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
