I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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