Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
