Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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