just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
