i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
