I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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