They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
