somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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