I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How does it feel to date your dad?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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