Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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