he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
