btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
