i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
