I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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