I think my vagina is haunted
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
