Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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