Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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