I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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