How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
