if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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