You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
