Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Your face is a jimmy john
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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