dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
