the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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