Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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