i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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