i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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