and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
