The brown eye won't let me do that either.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
