I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
