You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
