Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
